Shocking Report!!

Teeangers. From getting their eyebrowns pierced, to rap rock, they are often hard to love, and even harder to understand. That’s why parents across the nation are shocked to find out that the new teenager’s trend of wearing an eyepatch when you don’t really need one has hidden dangers every parent should be aware of. “It started out that people liked the way it felt” Gary “Ringtone” Telbar claims. “Lot’s of kids were trying it, and hey, why not. I wore my first eye patch on a date to Lobsterfest.” Lobsterfest is a Red Lobster restaurant promotional event offering many succulent items including lobsters.

Gary “Ringtone” Telbar continues “At first it was easy. But then there were dangers. Hidden dangers. Like every time I went to Lobsterfest it became harder and harder to find my lobster. Turns out, I wasn’t at Red Lobster at all. I was somewhere else! But they had good lobster too. And it wasn’t that big of a deal.” Or was it? Sources close to Gary say that although he claimed the lobster was just as good, it wasn’t. Or was it? It was.

Doctor Flammy Cornpiper, a specialist in eye patch related dangers, claims that although there is no dangers to wearing an eyepatch when you don’t really need one, there might be dangers in wearing an eye patch when you don’t really want to.