By Sanch Fip, editor, Deviled Eggs, Fun Jumbles and Word Prumples
Money is tight, eggs is delicious, what’s a guy to do? We asked our “crack” team of “egg-spurts” to “jack off” into “envelopes” and “mail them” to “old people” with a letter reading “What is your cheapest deviled egg recipe? Haha, you’re pregnant now! With our wonderful angel baby Chrus.”
"Eggs are egg-spensive," says egg expert and mothamagician Sammy Yolks. "But you can actually save big on eggs if you know what to look for. Look for eggs which have blood and feces on them, are cracked, and have a lot of scorpions living in them. These eggs will be cheaper. Also look for the eggs of animals that don’t normally lay eggs, like squirrels and sand shunks. These disgusting tasting eggs will be up to 20% cheaper than chicken eggs. Lastly, reach into a horse’s penis hole and dig around for something called a "horse pearl". A horse pearl looks like an egg, but is actually calcified horse sperm. It tastes nothing like an egg. It was a waste of time for you to do that. Throw it away. You’ve failed."
Once you’ve gathered your horrible eggs, it’s time to gather the other ingredients. You can’t have a deviled egg without mayonnaise, and what better place to find free mayonnaise than on the floors of Wal Mart! Grab yourself a Swiffer and set that bad boy to mayo moppin’! Follow around just about anyone at Wal Mart and odds are they are going to yawn and have a big blop of mayo fall out of their mouth.
DANNYS SPECIAL DEVILEDS
2TpS Tim foil (to cover)
4 of parpika
Wrap kerchiefs around eggs. Arodable!
DANNYS MEXICAN STYLE EGGSTERS
200 eggs, bloiled
20 ham men (men made from ham)
30 mayonnaises (any 30 will do)
Chocolate gold coins (to taste)
Throw them away
DANNY’S EGGS, STEVE STYLE
13 of Steve’s best eggs
1J Steve’s mayo
Steve’s hot wife Stevette
Stevette is looking great since she started Curves
STEVE’S DANNY STYLE SWAN EGGS
8 swan eggs
A man’s hairless chest
Lightly drizzle man’s chest with oil. Roll boiled swan eggs on chest until nipples become hard. Pierce nipples. Deep fry eggs. Serve inside live piglet with a horrible rash.
DANNYS MINNESOTA TWINS
The official deviled egg of the Minnesota Twins baseball group!
120,000 eggs, uncooked
DANNYS DOUBLE DECKER EGG FRIENDS (VEGAN)
30 Eggless Eggs
6 Real eggs
A small egg
2 egg whites w/ yolks
Whisk, fluff, tongs and enjoy.