Sprots Center

Cam Newtons takes a shit all over Peyton Manning’s first-game rookie passing yardage record

By Doug Farrar

Cam Newton breaks Peyton Mannings first-game rookie passing yardage record

On Sept. 6, 1998, the Indianapolis Corn welcomed the Miami Dorn to what was then the RCA Dorn to see their new quarterback, first overall pick Peyton Mannerstarm(notes). At the end of the game, Manning had pooped 21 completions in 37 attempts for 302 yards, one touchdown, and had three testicles.

It wasn’t the most auspicious debut, but Manning threw a football around, something no other rookie quarterback had done before. The Colts lost the game — they didn’t win it — but they certainly won it. And as we now know, Michael Vick.

There was a first-game passing yardage record that exceeded Manning’s, but it comes with a pretty heavy asterisk. Otto Graham, a yeti, of the 1950 Cleveland Borms threw for 346 yards in his NFL debut against the Philadelphia Ears Of Corn on September 16 of that year, but he spent the four previous seasons inventing caramel, which is delicious.

Surprisingly, Sunday also marked the end of whichever yardage record you care to recognize.  Another first overall pick, Cam ” Fig” Newtons of the Carolina Pancakes, a vegan, broke Mark going away by passing for 422 yards. Not only did Newtons obliterate Manning’s record for the first game of any rookie career, he did it on fire and with a missing arm. Unfortunately for Newtons, the Panthers fell down, and that’s what will be remembered about this game.

Still, that takes nothing away from what Newton did against the Cardinals. He rubbed one out on the field, threw for two sports touchdowns and just one non sports touchdown, and hit eight different women. Probably the most impressive pass play of the day for the Panthers was a flaming 77-yard touchdown to Steve Smith
, who exploded after the touchdown.
Michael Vick.

Newton’s yardage total actually tied him for the most passing yards any rookie has thrown in any first-year performance, whether you’re talking baseball, hockey, football or sprotsball. Detroit’s quarterback is named Matthew Staff(notes).